


Whatever You Need

by lovekernel



Category: Casualty (TV)
Genre: Gen, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-16
Updated: 2018-07-16
Packaged: 2019-06-11 11:41:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15314739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovekernel/pseuds/lovekernel
Summary: Continuation of the scene where Alicia confides in Bea





	Whatever You Need

**Author's Note:**

> Anonymous on Tumblr requested this. Thank you for reading!

Bea watched Alicia walk out the door, turn and disappear from sight. She sat still, stunned, still processing what Alicia just confided in her. 

She could go after her.

Every instinct Bea had wanted her to run and catch Alicia, take her home and talk this through further. But it didn’t seem like Alicia wanted to be followed, and if she had to leave, Bea wouldn’t stop her. The hospital, with him, was probably the worst place for Alicia now.

Bea stood up and wiped her eyes. She took a long, deep breath and let it out slowly. Then she left the staff room and went back to work. She still had a couple of hours left of her shift.

She treated minors on autopilot, just counting down the minutes until she could leave and go home to Alicia. That’s where Bea hoped she went anyway. She tried not to think about what happened, if she did she would lose her focus and she wasn’t sure if she could keep it together once she started thinking of everything Alicia had been going through the past few weeks. Just getting through the shift and going home was all that was on her mind. She could feel a tight energy in her hands and she knew it wouldn’t take much to make her snap, but she managed to get through the shift without any problems. 

Right before her shift ended however, Bea saw Eddie. 

He was just standing in the middle of the ED, reading some paper in his hands with his eyebrows furrowed in concentration. 

Bea felt anger in her stomach, growing bigger and stronger and swelling to fill her chest. She wanted him hurt. She remembered how Alicia spoke, the pain in her voice. She didn’t feel safe. Bea wished for Eddie to feel the same way. 

Eddie put his paper down by his side and walked away towards reception. 

Bea gritted her teeth and tried to push those thoughts from her mind. Being so angry would not help Alicia, and helping her was all that mattered right now. Bea signed off on her notes and put them away. Her shift was over and she could finally get out of the ED. 

She went to the staff room and grabbed her bag from her locker, then made a beeline for the stairs. 

“Dr. Kinsella?” a voice called as she passed reception.

Bea ignored it, her shift was over and nothing was going to stop her from getting home now.

“Dr. Kinsella.” 

A hand on her arm stopped her this time, and Bea turned to face Mrs. Beauchamp. She blinked out of her daze and made herself focus on her clinical lead. “Hi!”

“How’s your hearing? I called you twice,” Mrs. Beauchamp said briskly, looking between Bea and the files she had spread on the reception counter.

“I’m really sorry, Mrs. Beauchamp, I just have…” Bea trailed off.

Eddie caught her eye, kneeling next to a young woman in one of the seats. 

He explained something to her with the aid of a pen and paper, with the hand that held his pen he kept touching her arm. Bea couldn’t take her eyes off his hand, it looked huge on the small woman’s shoulder. All the anger she felt only minutes ago was gone. Suddenly, she was reminded of how much trust was placed in her with this job. She felt it every day and while Bea knew that she could handle it, it scared her sometimes how much people trusted her just after she introduced herself as a doctor. She respected that trust and took it seriously, especially after the mistake she made that led to her almost quitting her job altogether. 

Bea thought of the same tremendous trust put in Eddie not just from patients, but from all his colleagues and Bea herself. Then she thought about what he did, and how he abused the trust that Alicia gave him. 

Bea looked at Eddie’s hand, with his fingers sprawled across his patient’s shoulder, and she thought she might vomit. 

“Dr. Kinsella?”

Bea looked away from Eddie and zoned back in on Mrs. Beauchamp.

“Yeah, sorry…” She swallowed. “Uh, I just-”

“Are you alright?” Mrs. Beauchamp asked with a touch of concern, watching Bea carefully.

Bea forced a smile. “Yes! Yeah, I’m fine, sorry, I’m just a bit out of it. Long day.”

Mrs. Beauchamp smiled brightly, and it took Bea by surprise, it wasn’t a common sight and she wasn’t expecting it all of a sudden.

“I just wanted to say congratulations on getting your place on the International Trauma Course. It’s well deserved.”

Bea had almost forgotten about the course altogether, it left her mind completely the second she walked into the staff room to speak to Alicia. 

Alicia. 

Bea had time but she was going to have to leave soon, which meant leaving Alicia on her own.

Bea smiled again, replacing her facade. “Thank you! And thanks so much, Mrs. Beauchamp, for all your help, I really appreciate it.”

Mrs. Beauchamp dropped back to her sterner self. “It’s a great opportunity. Be sure you don’t take it for granted.”

“Oh, I won’t. I promise.” Bea said. She turned her body towards the stairs. “I’m sorry, Mrs. Beauchamp, I really have to go…”

“Of course,” Mrs. Beauchamp said, already turning back to her paperwork. “Goodnight, Dr. Kinsella.”

“Goodnight!” Bea called behind her, going straight upstairs. 

She changed as quickly as possible, packed up her stuff and got out of the hospital, eager to get home to Alicia.

  
  


Alicia sat in her sitting room just staring at the wall. She cried all the way home, and when she got home she just kept crying, but it had been hours now and she was spent. Her face was hot and puffy and she wanted to wash it but she was exhausted, she didn’t have the energy to get up. 

Alicia heard a key turn in the front door, then the brush of the draught excluder over the hallway floor, the door shutting gently and the heavy steps of Bea’s boots coming closer. She braced herself and a moment later Bea appeared in the door. She looked relieved.

“I’m so glad you came home,” Bea said. She sat down on the couch next to Alicia and dropped her bag to the floor and her keys into her bag. “I was afraid you’d go somewhere I couldn’t find you.”

Alicia listened to her but didn’t say anything. She felt Bea’s eyes on her and knew that she was trying to work out the right thing to say.

“Do you want some food or anything?” Bea asked.

Alicia shook her head.

“Cup of tea?”

Alicia took a few seconds to answer. She knew she had to speak at some point but she was afraid of the weakness in her voice.

“Okay,” she said quietly.

Bea nodded quickly and stood up. “Okay. I’ll be right back.” She looked worriedly at Alicia for a moment before she left the room.

Alicia sat back into the couch and listened to Bea’s movements in the kitchen. She heard the tap being turned on and water hitting the sink, the kettle dropping onto it’s base, the soft click of the switch. Minutes of silence passed before Alicia heard Bea sigh from the kitchen, right before the water began to boil and the sound of the bubbles took over, and then she heard the dull scrape of china across the cupboard shelf and clacks of of cups knocking together as Bea pulled them out.

Alicia put her head back and stared up at a crack in the ceiling. 

She wasn’t sure yet if she regretted telling Bea what happened between her and Eddie. She knew it was inevitable that Bea found out, if she didn’t coax it out of her she would have put the pieces together and worked it out by herself. Bea even said earlier that she thought whatever was going on had to do with Eddie. It was only a matter of time, but still Alicia felt guilty for burdening Bea with this. There wasn’t much she could do now, though. The truth was out there, and Alicia knew that Bea wasn’t going to let it go.

Alicia heard Bea’s footsteps and a few seconds later she came back in with two steaming cups. Alicia straightened up. Bea sat down and handed a cup to Alicia carefully, making sure she had a hold on the handle before she let go.

“Thanks, Bea,” Alicia said. Her voice still sounded weak, and raspy from crying.

“Whatever you need,” Bea replied, looking Alicia directly in the eyes as she said it. 

Alicia had to look away, there was too much to process in Bea’s gaze. She took a sip of her tea. It was outrageously sweet, Bea obviously threw in a few spoons of sugar, but Alicia was grateful for it nonetheless, her blood sugar was probably low after all, and each sip soothed her sore throat.

A minute or two passed in silence between them. Alicia could tell Bea was waiting for a sign from her to say it was okay to continue their earlier conversation.

“I um…” Alicia started. Bea looked at her with her full attention. “I’m sorry for running out on you like that.”

Bea shook her head. “No, don’t apologise. I understand. I’m sorry I didn’t go straight after you. I was worried about you.”

“I’m glad you didn’t,” Alicia said. “I needed some time.”

Bea nodded.

“I know that you’re right,” Alicia said, feeling herself well up again. “I know it- that it was… rape.” Already she felt tears on her face and she wiped them off. Bea took her hand and held it just lying on her palm so Alicia could simply take it back. She didn’t take it back.

“I’ve always known really.” Alicia coughed and took a gulp of tea before continuing. “I’ve just never said it aloud and… when you said it I just- I just couldn’t face that reality head on like that.”

Bea nodded again and then she spoke softly. “Thanks for trusting me with this.”

Alicia just let that hang in the air. She still wasn’t sure if she wanted to talk about this at all. But she needed to.

“I’m sorry for cornering you earlier,” Bea said. “You haven’t been yourself for weeks but it seemed like today I just couldn’t let you go on like this any longer. I was afraid you’d do something you couldn’t take back- that sounds scary, I don’t… I don’t really know what I mean.”

Bea was really struggling to find the right words. Alicia could tell, and she hated herself for putting Bea in this position. 

“What happened today?” Bea asked. “I’ve only heard pieces.”

“Um, I was just really angry with Eddie. Like from the start of the shift, I mean, I was already on edge, but I saw him with that new paramedic and alarms started going off in my head. I just wanted to pull her away from him.”

“Did he… do something?”

“No. Not at all. He was being really nice to her. Friendly. They were getting on. That’s what scared me.” Alicia sighed, running her thumb over the handle of her cup.

“Anyway,” she went on, “I made a huge mistake with a patient, Eddie was talking over me while I was trying to explain what was going on and I snapped, overreacted and then I told him he was paralysed- the patient I mean- before we had the scans to confirm. And he wasn’t, the paralysis was temporary. And when Mrs. Beauchamp brought it up with us… Eddie took the blame.”

Bea nodded, thinking it over.

“I feel like-” Alicia said, hearing her voice go up in pitch, “like he’s got something on me. And I really, really don’t like it. And then I snapped on him again. And then, I flew off the handle with Ruby because she thought that I was being too harsh.” She shook her head. “She has no idea…”

Alicia looked out the window for a moment, settling on a street lamp outside.

“I wished I could warn her or something.” Alicia’s voice sounded stronger now. “I mean, I wish everyone knew what he was. I feel sick every time I see him alone with Robyn or Louise or… any female patient, or you.” 

Alicia glanced back at Bea. Her face was like stone for a moment but she relaxed when she saw Alicia’s eyes on her. 

“I’m really scared he’ll do it again. To someone else.”

Bea looked at her with a firm gaze. “That’s not your responsibility, Alicia. He’s the one who committed assault.”

“Yeah. It’s kind of hard to think that way when he’s working with my friends every day. I hate going to work with him there but at least when I’m there I can keep tabs on him.”

“May-” Bea hesitated. “Maybe,” Bea said slowly and carefully, “we should think about reporting him?”

Alicia shook her head quickly, she felt like all her strength just left her in an instant. 

“I- I’m not- I can’t do that…” 

She removed her hand from Bea’s and ran it shakily through her hair.

“Okay, okay… yeah of course,” Bea said hastily. “I shouldn’t have even said that, I’m sorry.” She leaned a little closer to Alicia. “Forget I said that for now.”

Alicia nodded. Telling Bea was so hard and it still didn’t feel quite right. The idea of telling some person of authority was unimaginable right now. She took a deep breath and exhaled, then looked over at Bea who gave her a small smile.

“Can I give you a hug?” Bea asked gingerly.

Alicia took another deep breath and let it out. “Yes.”

Bea slid over and put her arms around Alicia, pulling her to her chest. “Listen. Whatever you need, I am here to help,” she said. “Seriously, Alicia, I am here for you one hundred percent whenever you need me. You’re not alone anymore.”

Alicia nodded and Bea hugged her tighter. Alicia nestled her head against Bea’s neck. Things might only get more difficult from here. Alicia was not ready to deal with everything that came with confiding in Bea, but in that moment, warm and supported in Bea’s arms, she felt better. She felt safe.


End file.
